My love-hate relationship with my planner

Yesterday evening I couldn't fall asleep. I took out two days from my planner. I didn't took any look in it. This not means I didn't done anything. I made the laundry, and I worked a lot on a pattern. I love to work like this. Only one (or two things), for a long time, and not care anything else. But unfortunately my life can't work like this. I need my planner to keep me on track.

I'm obsessed with all planner stuff, planning and time management methods. I'm spending lot of time to read blogs, watching planner videos, making inserts, stickers, dividers for myself.
And on the other hand: I hate everything what is MUST. I feel like my planner want to be my boss and telling me, what I must do. I rebell! I don't want from anyone to tell me, what to do. I want to do what I want to do in the moment. I love to live in the moment. Than I regret it. Because I forget things. Important things for me. Not only I-don't-want-to-do-this like stuff.
Now I have a helper, who comes to me speaking about things how I could do it more better for me (some kind of coaching). She asked me last week, when I talked about my goals: they are really what you must do every day? Yes, exercising is important. But I have maybe 8 goals for this year, work, kids, household, appointments. Stressing myself to do every day something for my goals makes no sense. Sometime I have to concentrate on my work, and leave the morning exercise. Or deciding to playing or go out with the kids, and leaving something from my to do list. It make sense, just... confuse me. I get it, not going to shopping today, I can do it tomorrow. But leaving my daily exercise today: I can't do it tomorrow. I have the daily exercise already for tomorrow. I leave it today. Then tomorrow, then I didn't done it any day.

Using my planner is lot fun. I love paper, pens, washis, stickers. And also a big task to keep everything in hand. With my ADHD planning needs extreme high attention (what I don't have), my perfectionism want me to do things too complicated, so I'm searching always the right way to simplify (what gives me more tasks, haha, but tasks I like to do). You won't believe me, but the weekly review takes me maybe two hours! And I don't decorate!

So let's keep fighting with myself!